she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
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How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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