im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
