i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
