please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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