i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
