oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
