Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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