I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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