I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize