New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
