Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
