where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
