The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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