my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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