Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
