maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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