The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
