I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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