There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
