I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Randomize
