i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i think i have two assholes
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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