I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
