Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
