You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
