Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
