I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
