I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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