Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
