Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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