Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
