so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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