1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got chris browned last night
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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