At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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