You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
