the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
