just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
