I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize