Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just pee around me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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