If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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