You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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