I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i think i have herpe
just one?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
