It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
