i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
