I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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