Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
