theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Your cock deserves a montage
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Is Oprah even human
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
