New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
