Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
