well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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