Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
