I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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