I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
