why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
