i wish starbucks made bloody marys
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
