They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
