i love accidental penises.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
