Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Randomize
