Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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