He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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