I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Randomize
