Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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