my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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