Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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