You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
