I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize