I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
