The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
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