I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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