Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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