You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
