He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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