accomplished twins. life is a go
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
