keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Send us your Text From Last Night!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
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