The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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