I just cut my nipple shaving
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
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You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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