So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest