This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sober January is a disaster.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
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