This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Sober January is a disaster.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
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I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.